Platform 9&3/4

Jun 22

I am more excited than I have been in a long time. Excited enough to write in a blog that a strong three people will read if i’m lucky… My knee has been jacked up for a pretty long time so i’ve been sitting on the couch whining about collecting dust and fat particles; eagerly awaiting the day when I can get back into the swing of things. The day has finally come. I get to go supplement shopping again. Going to GNC, for me, feels like when I used to walk through toys R us back when I was a kid. It makes me so excited I could poop. testosterone boosters, protein powders, and energy drinks galore. If you think about, it really shows how lazy a lot of people are. Instead of eating healthy and finding our own bodies workout personality, we just down some powdered nutrition and pump out some reps. Anyway, I’ll be starting JiuJitsu and karate in a week or so. I’m really intrigued by karate, even though I’ve been making fun of it for my whole life. I visited edge martial arts gym in Still Water and as I watched the instructor meekly order his students around with what, I guess, passed for confidence in authority, I noticed flaws in almost everything he was saying. But than I saw the class spar and they are more than half decent. It’s a paradox i’m eager to explore. The fact that the JiuJitsu instructor is one of Brock Lesnar’s instructors is very exciting as well. All in all I’m fucking pumped to get back into good shape and to not feel my belly drooping over my waistline anymore.

Spelling and grammar errors be damned I am to lazy to proof read anything I just said…

[video]

Jun 12

An Edward Cullen diss by Dracula

Edward, you aint shit. Even if you wanted to be, you couldn’t be my homie.

Im the real O.G., in this case O.V. 

Original vamp, kickin it with my three tramps. 

I’m mackin on hotties.

They all love me cause I’m dark n’ naughty.

But unlike your faggot ass, Cullen

Who looks so sullen..

I’m always ready to paaarty!

N’ your chick, bella, she aint so swell-a

Cause when you leave home.

Wolf boy’s savage ass makes her moan.

Mothafucka, did you fo got you was a blood sucka?

n’ you might shine like a rainbow.

But i’m so fine, bitches cant say no!

I’m the the big D.

Dracula.

So hot you can’t even touch this with a spatula.

[video]

Jun 09

[video]

[video]

[video]

Jun 08

[video]

Jun 07

This is the first of a series of vocabulary exercises that I will be doing daily. I learn a few big words and use them in some sort of story so that I can remember them more efficiently. The whole idea is to sound smart enough that most people don’t know what the fuck is happening.

here goes…

The corpse was affixed with a horrifyingly chilling rictus seemingly imposed post mortem. Fish hooks were inserted, in a grizzly fashion, attaching the corners of the mouth to the ear lobes. Batman had seen worse. The Joker had an eldritch fascination with the bipolar mutilation of a fresh corpse. Screaming agony and cimmerian dread expressed through a teratoid expression of joy.

Spell check actually doesn’t even recognize a few of those words…

Jun 05

Brock smash!!

Brock Lesnar seems to be back in the saddle. He has a fight scheduled against Carwin on July 3rd. It should be a good fight. If Brock is back to his old herculean self Carwin better enjoy that 12-0-0 record while he can because… BROCK SMASH!!

It is said that Brock grew up in MN, but i have another theory…

Brock Lesnar is, in fact, an Aryan super Viking who was genetically designed and created in the depths a Nazi stronghold. Back in world war 2, using pieces of Viking warlords found entombed in icy prisons at the bottom of lake superior, Nazi scientists created what was to be the ultimate weapon to combat the A-bomb. He was to lead the German armies to a swift victory but the war was stopped before he could be unleashed. He lay dormant confined in a fluid filled stasis tank until an exploration team funded largely by the WWE discovered the facility that held him. He was used and controlled telepathically by WWE executives using a piece of alien material that can be tuned to any living organisms neural frequency. Dana white learned of this through his network of covert operatives placed into high level positions in corporations around the world. He grew very jealous and sent ninja assassins to steal Lesnars control crystal from the executives of the WWE. Brock now fights for the UFC…